Saturday, 5 May 2012


There are so many things to think about during your pregnancy, so many things to plan, to decide, to buy. What to eat, what to avoid, which tests to have, whether to have ultrasound scans, where you want to give birth, what kind of pain relief you would like, who you would like around you at the birth....Indeed if you have been trying for some time to conceive a baby there are many things to consider around conception too.; your diet, tracking your cycle, pre-natal vitamins, exercise.

I considered many topics for my first blog post – Breastfeeding, Skin-to-Skin, Cord Clamping, but my heart kept coming back to one simple thing – Connection.

You may, or may not, have a lot of professional input in your pregnancy – doctors, midwives, maybe a Doula. No matter what “the professionals” can tell you about your pregnancy, no-one knows your baby and your body better than YOU.

There are three connections I would love to discuss with you:
- Connection with your baby;
- Connection with yourself;
- Connection with your instincts as a mother.

Connection with your baby

Connecting with your baby starts when you become pregnant. Your baby awaiting birth is physically, emotionally, and spiritually connected to its mother, its source of life. It’s more than the overwhelming love you feel the first time you hear their heartbeat, the first time you feel them kick, it’s knowing that you truly feel your child, you understand them, you intuitively know their needs.

Parents are somehow expected to know what to do and when do it. That “somehow” is your instincts. Sadly, for some mothers and families that is not always the case. They are so bogged down with the “advice” and information thrown at them by everyone else, they’ve forgotten to connect with their baby and follow their instincts. 

Finding the emotional connection with your baby should be one of the most important aspects of parenting. Creating a relationship based on love, security and bonding is not only vital to the wellbeing of your child, but will aid you endlessly in your first few months of caring for your baby.

Children that are positively emotionally connected to their parents develop a positive sense of trust, a sense of self, and a feeling of security. That feeling of security leads to a calmer, peaceful baby in the first few weeks and a less stressed out Mum. It doesn’t mean your baby will never cry or be in pain, but having that connection there means baby knows Mummy loves them and will take care of them, they won’t have to cry forever. Holding them close to you, carrying them in a sling – close to your warmth and your heartbeat just as they were in the womb, helps to maintain their sense of security and connection to you.

When your baby is still in the womb, still growing, take time to develop that connection. Talk to them – evidence shows your baby can start to hear sounds as early as 16 weeks. Your voice can be soothing to your baby. Spend time with them – that may sound silly, you are carrying them around in your womb 24/7 – but take some time, put your feet up and truly focus on your child(ren), put your favourite music on and enjoy sharing some one-on-one time with your baby.

Share this time with your partner too. (S)He may not be able to feel baby inside as you can, but they can still connect – lay a hand across your tummy, talk to the baby – they can hear their voice too! Cherish this time you have to connect with your baby, and the opportunities your baby has to connect with you – a kick when they recognise your voice, or a feeling you experience when you spend some quiet time focusing on your child. 

Connection is invaluable and can have an untold effect on your child’s life …the memory of the security and love felt may well intrude upon negative acts of self-destruction as a young adult. 

Imprint your love now, and may it last forever



  1. Excellent post my friend!! Good on you!!!

  2. Great first post. I shall look forward to reading more. Its a really emotive subject and I can really recommend reading The Continuum Concept to anyone who is interested in a connected approach to children.


  3. I loved it! Great post! I couldn't agree more. Connection is the key to everything and a great place to start! I look forward to reading more my love!

  4. Great post. I wish I'd had a midwife like you when I was pregnant first time - I loved the bit about taking time to connect with the baby.

  5. Thank you all for your kind comments!

    Cath, that is so encouraging to me. There is nothing more in the world that I want than to be that midwife. My training starts in 2013 and I am SO excited. Each pregnancy is amazing but there is something special about that first pregnancy and I am looking forward to having the opportunity to empower women and open them to the confidence in their own bodies for subsequent pregnancies.



  6. What a great post Alex, I just wish you'd been around in 1970 when I was expecting my first child, no-one ever mentioned connection, in those days pregnancy was viewed as a medical condition, and I had to fight hard just to be able to have my baby at home. My midwife was lovely though, I had her with me for my second baby too which was a real bonus. Do midwives still operate "in the community" or only in hospitals?
    BTW you dont seem to have the "follower" option invoked on this blog?
    Joy xx

    1. I think we still fight today for pregnancy not to be viewed as a medical condition, but sometimes intervention makes it so unfortunately. I'm glad that you were able to have a connection with your midwife through two pregnancies.

      Midwives do still operate in the community. It is often the community midwives who attend home births. In some NHS trusts midwives work on a rotation basis so spend some time working in labour and delivery, some time out in the community and some time running doctors clinics, check ups and classes.

      Hopefully, you should now have the ability to follow my blog...just above my profile information. Thanks for letting me know! xxx

  7. Love this as first blog connection is so utterly important! Carry On being passionate about midwifery/birth and u will have no probs! Xxx